I’ve missed writing! I was thinking this morning how much I enjoy reading and writing now! I definitely don’t remember thinking and feeling that way back in high school AP English!!! 😂
Much and not much has transpired over these last few months. I believe my last post was about having surgery to remove my 18 year old breast implants. (Check that post out here.) Good news- I have recovered well and am back to doing all the things! I feel better than ever and am grateful I had that done and am feeling back to 100% me.
I’ve been back to running consistently now for nearly 6 weeks now and did a 5k last weekend. I’m so happy to be back at it and even signed up for a half-marathon in November!
I’m also lifting 3x/week and that feels amazing to be getting stronger. Muscle is where it’s at baby! 💪🏻
I have been having big thoughts and big goals again around fitness – running in particular and am so excited about the future! I am going to do this! 🤯
Now to get a bit real.
I have been working on creating a business and essentially have one – an LLC, a website…
But I have to admit I’m questioning this path and what I’m doing. I believe I have a message to share but also balancing that with what I want personally.
I’ve been doing an amazing course that has helped me more than just about anything I have ever done, including therapy. I thought I had done a lot of personal development and had “arrived.”
Boy I was wrong.
I’m learning even more that’s a good thing! I’ve learned a lot in just 6 weeks about myself in this course. (BTW it’s called Radical Happiness with my amazing friend, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy -look her up here.) Seriously, click the link!!!
Through this course a big thing I’m learning and practicing that has helped me as a dentist is regulating my nervous system. And managing my energy. I feel calmer throughout the day practicing and don’t leave as exhausted as I had been. Hurray!!! 🥳 I really did not think that was possible. And a big part of why I was looking into having a business to leave or practice very little.
I’ve realized I nearly constantly seek to achieve and have been driven by external praise and recognition. Obviously this has gotten me this far in life but I’m at the point I’m over it. And, I’m tired (of it). I see it in the entrepreneur world I’ve entered into and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be a part of that anymore.
Basically it’s just taking my bad habit patterns into a new career! 😂
Sadly, I think that may be part of why I sought after this whole “business” – thing. The fact I was unhappy in dentistry looking for something else was the biggest driver and now that I am happier practicing dentistry it’s just not making as much sense to me. I love my days off dentisting and wouldn’t want to work more than the 3 days I do. I also don’t want to be working much on the days I’m not dentisting.
I enjoy so many other things. Doing many other things, hobbies, activities….and I’m learning to rest and relax! Finally after 43+ years!!!
And, even enjoy it! Savor it!
A few weeks ago it was getting to be where I felt like I was working most of the time and/or felt like I should be working. Sure I know I can do it but I’ve learned that I need and want my rest and downtime!
I’ve gotten to see inside the world of entrepreneurism a bit and yes it’s hard, yes I know I could do it, but do I want to do it?
To help answer that I’m taking a step back – taking more time for me – to slow down – to rest – to be outside – to just be.
Once I took all of the pressure off a couple of weeks ago I felt a HUGE relief!
I felt calmer, more at ease, and happy. 😊
And maybe it’s a matter of not doing it at all right now and more slowly or in bits and pieces. Some things I’ve been doing I enjoy and some I do not. Some are just not me.
The point was to do something I enjoy. Not add more stressful work I don’t enjoy!
Most of us don’t do that nearly enough. That is stop, and take inventory of our life. Then when we finally take a moment and pause we may think how in the world did I get here?! And realize we aren’t even living our own life. Or a life we want to live.
For me I’ve come to realize I am worthy as I am.
I am worthy as I am.
I don’t have to always be doing, be achieving, be accomplishing, striving, making money.
I mean what is the point if not to feel good, living in calm and ease and joy! That’s what I want!
I think I’ve often gotten my worth from what I’ve done and achieved. Again, that has gotten me this far in life but I don’t have to keep on going and living with this mentality.
And I’m not.
Oh yes, and after our trip to Ireland (!) I’ve been bit by the travel bug again! I cannot wait for more adventures to come!
As I said above I have big goals and dreams, particularly on the running front. It is a balance between the achieving and just be-ing. A big part of that is in enjoying the journey itself.
I used to think many of the things I do are selfish. I’m sure some think they are. However, I had the thought the other day in yoga that if everyone did these same things – taking time for themselves, to take care of their bodies and minds – what a different world we would be living in!
People would be calmer, happier
…so it’s not selfish and maybe what I’m doing doesn’t change the world, make lots of money, and maybe I decide to have or not to have a business, but I’m living MY life to it’s fullest and in my own authenticity.
And that will have an impact.