In the series finale of This Is Us, Jack is teaching Randall and Kevin to shave – such an adorable scene! In the background you can hear sister Kate yell “time for pin the tail on the donkey” and both boys groan. They are busy shaving.
“She gets it,” Jack says and continues, “When you’re young you’re always trying to be older and then when you get old you’re always trying to go back, be back, try and appreciate the moments.”
“Collecting these little moments” he says, “We don’t recognize them when we’re in them because, well, we’re too busy looking forward. But then we spend the rest of our lives looking back, trying to remember and get back inside them.”
This just absolutely resonated and hit home for me.
I’ve been reflecting back a lot lately. Maybe it’s because it’s been 20 years since graduating undergrad. Or I’m hitting that “mid-life crisis” period. I also started feeling like this was atypical but Jack helped confirm for me what was going on was absolutely normal.
I recently did a FaceBook live talking about how my therapist helped me realize how I make to-do lists and get tied up in checking things off, even with things that are self-care, like seeing my chiropractor or going for a walk. So much so that I don’t even realize they are self-care!
And these moments are our life!
I can think back to undergrad and I was so focused on achieving and getting to the next step, professional school. I didn’t fully experience and appreciate my undergrad and believe me I have many moments feeling regret about that.
And, I didn’t learn – just repeated the same thing in dental school – so focused on the next exam or clinic to pass and get out. (And sadly, I was too focused on a relationship that I missed out on many memories.)
How I now wish I had taken an art class in college, but I was just so focused on science courses, my major, checking the boxes to get As and my degree.
Even today, in practicing as a dentist I have found myself looking at the schedule wanting the next patient to hurry up and get here to get that procedure done and move to the next. Getting the day finished.
I will proudly say that is something, even before Jack’s poignant speech to his sons, that I have been working on while at work. Being more present, not looking so far ahead at the schedule and hurrying through the day. Being more relaxed, even at work, and letting the team do their job. They get me when needed versus me going back to see if they are ready.
It has definitely helped me be less anxious at work, but it does take a daily effort to practice.
I also really have started to recognize and appreciate those “little moments” so much more. For example when my parents visited, my favorite time was in the morning when we were just sitting around having our coffee, chit-chatting.
Or sitting out on our screened in porch in the morning reading a book. Looking over at the dogs napping in the sunshine as they just want to be near.
Those are the moments Jack was talking about. Those moments are what bring us joy and happiness.
The key is to realize that now, in the present moment. Not waiting till we are staring at death’s door looking back wishing we had been more present.
It’s not easy to do, I’ll admit, especially in today’s society, today’s environment, with our constant need to be busy, for distraction, doing something, our phones in hand 24/7.
But it is possible. By being purposeful, mindful with our time and decisions we can live in those present moments. It can be easy to let our day run us, but we must take control and run our days. Or, we will find ourselves feeling regret, and “spending the rest of our lives looking back, trying to remember and get back inside those moments,” as Jack so aptly said.